look no pants
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
