so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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