he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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