i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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