you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
