Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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