I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I believe in your delicious
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
