mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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