remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
