I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
