Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
