living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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