You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
