gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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