john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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