sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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