Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
should my penis look like a turkey
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
