It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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