he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
