i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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