You just made me feel so damn special
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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