How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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