i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
