Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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