i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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