Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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