I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
