I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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