everyone is single if you try hard enough
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
