Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
