Small penises have feelings too.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
