I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
