Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize