plz talk dirty to me
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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