your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
