How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
