I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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