So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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