Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
