my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
