Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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