Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
