you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
