I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
