So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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