Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
