Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
