You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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