Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
