Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
