he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
