he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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