like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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