Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
