one might say we're banned from that church
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
