we're chasing vodka with high fives
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
