Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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