I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
