i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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