Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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