you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize