I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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