His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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