Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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