Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
