when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
