Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
