she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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