Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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