when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
